Intimacy may not be a frequent topic of discussion for everyone, but sexual well-being is important to your overall wellness. It’s completely normal to have a variety of feelings related to sex and sexual intimacy. Some may feel positive emotions such as joy or excitement, while others may feel shame, embarrassment, or frustration.

Previous sexual experience, history of trauma, self-esteem, mood, and cultural background (such as religion, family upbringing, culture) can influence our relationship with sexual intimacy. In addition, people may have a wide range of experiences learning about sex. Our background and experiences make up who we are as individuals and how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and sexuality.

Having a positive relationship with sex and sexuality offers health benefits. The quality of our sexual lives is related to improved immune system and cardiovascular health, as well as an increase in life satisfaction and a decrease in overall symptoms of anxiety and depression. A positive relationship with your sexual self can increase body acceptance and self-esteem while also providing an opportunity for you to become more aware of your wants and needs.

Having a Healthy and Positive Sex Life

• A healthy relationship with sex includes several facets such as:
• Engaging in work to love yourself holistically (physically, mentally, spiritually).
• Engaging in safer sex practices to prevent sexually transmitted infections (using condoms, dental dams, lubricant, PrEP, HPV vaccine, birth control).
• Seeing a medical provider regularly to discuss your sexual health (preventive cancer screenings, menstruation concerns, birth control.)
• Practicing regular or routine STI testing.
• Learning and discovering your own sexual needs and desires through sex with your partner(s) or yourself.
• Communicating with your partner(s) about your wants/needs.
• Maintaining boundaries with your partner(s).

Strengthening Communication and Consent

Healthy Communication is the ability to have open and honest communication within relationships. Healthy communication sometimes can be difficult, especially when setting boundaries regarding our sexual health needs and intimacy. Healthy communication about sexual activity does NOT include pressuring, name-calling, or judging the needs or boundaries of our partner(s).

Engaging in Open Conversations about Expectations and Needs. Having open communication with partner(s) about sexual expectations and needs can assist you in asserting your needs and desires with your partner(s). Engaging in these conversations improves relationships and can assist in creating safety within one’s sexual life.

Mutual trust and respect are essential components of any relationship. Trust is built over time and can be developed in different ways. Mutual trust and respect can be established when partners are consistent and supportive and listen to one another.

Consent is one’s ability to agree to a sexual activity. Consent between individuals should be the following:

• Mutual—each person must agree to the sexual act.
• Verbal—Consent should be spoken out loud. The absence of a “no” does not equate to a “yes.”
• Sober—Consent cannot be provided while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
• Continuous—Consent must be given freely and throughout the sexual act.
• Consent cannot be provided if a person is asleep, incapacitated, or underage.

Sexual Well-Being, Mental Health, and Identity
There are many factors that can impact our relationship with our bodies and our interest in sexual activity (either alone or with a partner). Factors such as a history of depression and anxiety can decrease levels of arousal and excitement about engaging in sexual activity. Similarly, certain medications can have an impact on desire.
Having a history of trauma can impact an individual’s perceptions and relationship with sex. These experiences could have the following effects for some individuals:

• Decreased self-esteem.
• Symptoms of depression, anxiety and/or PTSD.
• Decrease of trust in others.
• Reduced/increased desire to engage in sexual intimacy.

Each of these are normal reactions. There is no “right way” to feel or react after a trauma.

Identity impacts our perceptions and engagement in sexual activities. Each of us has many different aspects of our identity (race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religious affiliation). Due to these identities, some may choose not to engage in sexual activity, or only engage in sexual activity by themselves. Their abstinence may be due to religious or cultural backgrounds/beliefs. Additionally, some individuals identify as asexual, meaning that they do not experience sexual attraction towards others. Each of these reasons to abstain from sexual activity is completely normal and valid.

Society also has a large impact on our interpretation of our sexual well-being. Each of us has received societal messages about sex. These messages can teach us to feel ashamed, empowered, confused, frustrated, self-conscious, or excited about sexual activity and our relationship with ourselves. It is important to practice critical awareness about how these messages influence our experiences with sex.

Body Positivity and Sexual Self-Esteem
Society impacts our perceptions of the “ideal body” and can also affect how we view ourselves as sexual beings. It is very common for these perceptions to negatively impact mental health by:

• Increasing social comparisons between friends and yourself.
• Impacting how an individual perceives their worthiness to be in a relationship(s) or in attracting a partner(s).
• Increasing concerns related to body image, especially when in a position to be vulnerable, such as during sexual interaction or exploration.

Sexual Well-Being in the Digital World
Meeting potential partners online can be exciting. Remember that there are considerations to think about in the digital world when it comes to sex, boundaries, and safety.

• Boundary-setting in new relationships, especially those started online, is essential.
• Communication via text or direct messages can sometimes be difficult to interpret due to the lack of ability to portray emotion and inflection in text form.
• Consent is a crucial component of online dating. Make sure that all parties agree on any meeting times/places
• and activities.
• Sharing intimate photos or conversations from your partner without their consent can lead to conflict and lack of trust in your relationship(s).

When to Seek Help for Sexual Concerns
Students may choose to participate in medical or therapy-related services for a variety of reasons related to their sexual well-being. Below are some of the reasons people may seek mental health services.

• Learn to Communicate Effectively: Some people may engage in therapy services to learn how to communicate effectively with their partner(s) regarding their wants and desires for their partnership, as well as effective boundary setting.
• Coping with Mental Health Concerns that impact Sexual Functioning and Intimacy: As described previously, some individuals may have mental health concerns or trauma that impact their sexual well-being and ability to engage in sexual activity. Seeing a therapist can aid in working through some of these concerns while also better understanding yourself and your needs.
• Addressing an STI: Being diagnosed with an STI can be stressful, especially when juggling other responsibilities such as school and work. It can sometimes be helpful to process these concerns with a mental health professional to develop effective coping strategies.

Want to know more?

National Resources
Planned Parenthood plannedparenthood.org

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention cdc.gov/sexualhealth/Default.html

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Assault Line rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline
800-656-HOPE (4673)

Get help ASAP
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.